Can you have a calm conversation within your relationship?
Without a fight, an argument, or even an increased heart rate?
PTSD has a way of getting in the way of that doesn’t it?
The extreme emotions from PTSD causes us to instinctively and negatively react to so many things…
What could have started out as a calm conversation can quickly turn into all out chaos.
Why does this happen?
Here’s a funny story (but it wasn’t funny at the time lol)…
When I still had PTSD I was living in this small cottage next to a beach in Narragansett with by boyfriend…
Brad (my boyfriend) was in the kitchen preparing dinner for us, a beautiful chopped salad.
He chopped up the lettuce, onions, tomatoes, cucumber, and topped it with nice croutons and feta cheese.
Brad even cleaned up the dishes and wiped the kitchen counters down…
Brad called out letting me know dinner was ready, so I went over to the kitchen sink to wash my hands before eating…
Lettuce!
He left lettuce in the sink and didn’t clean it out!
How rude of him to not clean up after himself!
Oh man, was I furious…
And I let him know too…
I got frustrated, mad, and ruined a perfect night in…
What was going to be a nice calm romantic dinner was ruined by lettuce in the sink.
I didn’t see that he spent all the time setting the table, preparing dinner, and even cleaning up the counters…
All I could see what the one little thing he forgot to do.
And it caused a huge lash out…
Why did I react the way that I did?
It all happened because at the time I was completely attached to my reactive emotions.
Learning how to notice and detach from your reactive emotions is the first step to having a calm relationship…
My story might seem silly and trivial, but think about your own life for a second…
Have there been moments in your relationship where your PTSD has caused you to lash out over some seemingly trivial thing?
Have you ever felt guilty for doing or saying something to your partner?
I’m sure you’re nodding, right?
You can probably think of a moment or two where something similar happened to you.
PTSD does this to everyone…
If you’re beating yourself up right now it means that you need to bring more love, acceptance, and understanding to yourself.
The best thing you can do to bring more love to your relationship, is to bring more love to yourself.
If you need help with this, click here read my article called “How To Transform PTSD Self Hatred Into Unclouded Love”…
PTSD causes you to instinctively react to seemingly trivial things.
To stop this you need to learn these 2 things…
In the beginning it takes a lot willpower to detach from your reactive emotions and make the choice to be present.
And yes, it is a choice.
Many times it feels like we’re not making a choice because we’re constantly reacting without being aware of it.
When you are unaware, you don’t have a choice…
That’s why you need to build your awareness through practices like meditation.
But, if you have the awareness and the power of will you can catch and stop your reactive emotions before they take over you…
This is how you can prevent gigantic screamings matches.
You can actually have a conversation, not an argument, that allows you to understand the feelings from both parties.
When you first start trying this you’ll find that you actually don’t want to stop the reactive emotions!
This pattern of following your reactive emotions has been built into an extremely powerful habit…
So it’s important to know that breaking the mental habit will take a lot of time, “failures”, and willpower…
Don’t expect to change overnight.
There are no overnight successes, this is something you need to build just like a muscle.
This is one of the most important skills to develop in any relationship.
Start by becoming aware of how your mind just automatically reacts to what your partner says.
Just watch it like a movie, don’t react, just watch it and see what it is saying…
Then you want to watch your partners reactions like a movie too…
If you are able to stay present enough, you will actually be able to recognize when your partner is being dominated by their reactive emotions as well…
Once you’re aware of your reaction you want to ask yourself why you’re reacting this way, and why your partner is reacting that way.
Being able to detach from your reactive emotions are just the first step.
You then need to learn why you’ve reacted this way.
And you do this by connecting with true selves…
What do I mean by “True Self”?
Your true self is the pure, unclouded YOU.
It’s YOU when you’re not full of emotion, stress, anxiety, or anything else that’s going on.
You become connected with your true self when you’ve fully detached from your reactive emotions.
And when you can get yourself into this state, this is where true communication and healing can occur in your relationship.
When you are grounded in your true self you can communicate with love and acceptance.
Fights don’t do anything good for either party…
The only way to truly find peace and calm in a relationship is to resolve conflict when grounded in “true selves”…
When you both are calm, relaxed, and detached from the reactive emotions…
You get to ask each other why they are feeling the way they do…
You get to really understand each other, and really show each other love and understanding.
This was the key to keeping my relationship alive through PTSD…
If I didn’t learn these skills the conflicts would have piled up and we would have broken up for good.
Learning how to detach from your emotions isn’t just a nice thing to do…
It’s essential to have true, honest, and healing communication with your partner.
And true communication is essential if you want to have a calm and peaceful relationship.
To help cultivate this calm environment it’s vital that both you and your partner work on yourselves.
You both need to learn tools to calm yourself down when you are feeling out of control…
And, you need tools that you can use when you are in the middle of a stressful conversation.
Having the right tools makes connecting with true selves 100X easier.
A few months ago I wrote a book called “3 Amazing Relief Tools For PTSD Anxiety”.
I created an accompanying video program for the book, and I want to give it to you for free.
These are simple tools that you AND your partner need to learn so you can relax and have true communication.
Trust me, knowing these skills will make your relationship heal exponentially faster.
All you have to do is create a free account by clicking here.
Go make your account, and watch all the videos with your partner.
Learn the tools and get them into your toolbox so you have them when you need them.
Now you know what to do to bring more peace and calm into your relationship.
The advice in this article has the power to change everything for you, granted you put in the time and effort.
You don’t see change just from reading an article.
You have the knowledge, now you need to put it into action.
Information without implementation is the start of delusion.
If you did I want to invite you to my free training…
This training has been designed to give you one thing…
HOPE.
Do you feel as though you are stuck in an endless downward spiral that’s destroying your relationship?
That you’re in a whirlwind of uncontrollable emotions that cannot be stopped?
And feel like you’ll be like this forever?
If so, this free webinar will give you hope.
Hope for a future that’s filled with laughter, not screaming matches …
Hope for a future that allows you to finally be calm with the ones you love most…
Make today a turning point.
Have it be the point in time where you stand up, fight back, and win.
>>> Click Here To Register For This Weeks Webinar <<<
Are you ready for a change? Click here to save your spot now.
Register before this training is taken offline for good…
See you there 🙂
To your recovery!
– Kayleen
