“I hate myself, my life, and everything that’s in it…”
These words reverberated in my head for most of my life…
For over 15 years these words completely dominated and destroyed my…
Why does PTSD make us hate ourselves?
I would hate myself for not being the person who I wanted to be…
And I would hate myself for lashing out and hurting the ones I loved most…
I had no idea how to stop it…
That self hatred caused me to spiral out of control more times that I can count, and it’s responsible for all the dents and holes in my walls.
I believe most with PTSD do…
Through years of suffering and trial and error I discovered a way to stop this devastating thought process…
I’m going to show you exactly what I did to get rid of these self defeating thoughts for good.
The very first and most important step to growing that inner love is realizing what is YOU and what is PTSD.
Most people live their entire lives never truly understand this one vital point…
One of the biggest drivers of self hatred came from the actions I took towards others.
I would lash out at people, get angry, and throw fits of rage…
And my flashbacks and nightmares hurt my boyfriend and caused him an immense amount of pain…
Both of these things caused me to feel an extreme amount of guilt…
I would beat myself up over and over again for doing these things, and for hurting the ones I loved.
I thought I was a piece of trash…
Because who treats people they love with hate?
What type of person actually hurts their partner?
These cycles of anger destroyed my self worth and brought it below zero.
But, one day everything changed…
It was a simple concept that my boyfriend helped me realize.
Here’s how it happened…
One day I went up to my boyfriend to apologize for how I angrily lashed out at him that day…
I said I was really sorry, and this is how he responded…
“Kayleen, it’s okay. I understand why you get mad at me, and I know that you’re not that type of person.
When you get mad it’s not you, it’s PTSD. It’s not who YOU are.
You are a kind, loving, and accepting person.
You’ve just gone through some really really hard things in your life, and it’s not your fault that you get mad and lash out…
Because it’s your PTSD, not YOU… It’s not who true Kay is…”
That was the first time I had ever thought about my PTSD in that way…
All this time I thought I was a horrible person, but in reality I was someone who just got really hurt…
The fits of rage and angry lash outs are symptoms of PTSD!
And you’re not the only person who has all these wild symptoms!
It’s part of PTSD.
They are normal reactions to going through something horrible.
When you realize that your PTSD symptoms are not who you are, hatred is automatically replaced with understanding and love.
What symptoms have you been beating yourself up for?
Those symptoms are not you.
They are not who you are.
You are a GOOD person.
Awareness is the first step to recovery.
If you don’t know a problem exists then you can’t fix it.
Are you even aware of the thoughts you’re having all day?
If you said yes, then you’re either lying, or wrong.
We become so attached to the thoughts in our head that we don’t even know that we’re thinking them!
Every second of everyday you are being bombarded with thoughts…
And there’s a pretty good chance that if you have PTSD the majority of those thoughts are pretty negative.
So to develop more love for yourself you need to start becoming more and more aware of your thought process.
Once you become aware of your negative thought patterns you can start doing something that I call “The Shift”…
As you go throughout your day you want to constantly make these shifts…
It will be hard to notice all your negative thoughts at first, but overtime you will uncover more and more layers of thought.
The best way to cultivate more awareness is to get quiet.
A simple way to do this is to take a few minutes a day to sit alone and just try and notice all the thought processes in your mind.
But, the best way to cultivate more awareness is to meditate every single day.
If you don’t know how to meditate read my complete guide by clicking here.
Cultivate more and more awareness and keep shifting your thoughts.
Overtime your brain will actually change.
You will find that you start to automatically shift to the positive loving thoughts without even trying.
The brain is like a muscle…
It gets better at anything you practice, whether it be hatred or love.
Did you know that every single day you actually time travel?
Here’s what you do…
You have this image in your mind of how your life “should be”…
In this “should be” life you think that you shouldn’t have flashbacks, nightmares, angry outbursts, and off the wall anxiety…
You think your life “should be” perfectly calm and relaxed.
So everyday you look at where you are right now (“Broken”) and imagine what your life “should be” like at this moment (“Perfect”).
What’s wrong with this?
The problem isn’t that you’re imagining a future without PTSD (that’s actually a great thing)…
The problem is that you compare your current reality to what you think your life should be like right now.
This comparison causes you to think that there is something wrong with you…
That your life sucks, and that it won’t get any better.
This comparison spirals you out of control and causes an immense amount of self hatred…
Whenever you compare like this you’re fighting reality.
And who do you think will win in a fight?
You? Or Reality?
Reality wins every time.
Because reality is reality!
It’s the way your life is right now!
The truth is that you do have PTSD…
The truth is that you have to start where you are…
That is your reality.
It only causes you pain to compare and judge your current self to any imagined future life that doesn’t exist.
When you realize that you can’t fight reality, and that you are where you are, you can start accepting your current situation.
When you accept your current situation as your starting point (and it always is), you stop beating yourself up for not being where you “should be”.
You start actually working on yourself and grow into a more loving and stronger person.
Do you have any good qualities?
Is there anything good about YOU?
Do me a favor and ignore the bad things for a second, and really think…
What are the best things about you?
Take just 30 seconds right now, close your eyes, and think of all the good things about yourself…
I bet you just skipped right by it and didn’t do it… Thought you could sneak past me huh?
If that’s you go back and do it now 🙂
How did that feel?
When was the last time you focused on the good inside of you?
I know I can’t get inside your mind, but I can tell you that you don’t do it enough.
What you just did were self gratitudes.
You’ve heard of regular gratitudes before, but they tend to be external things that you are grateful for.
Hardly ever do we take time to appreciate ourselves and our positive qualities.
This is a simple and extremely effective way to grow that inner love for yourself.
Do them right when you wake up, and right before bed.
You can just say them in your head, or write them down… Everyone is different so see which ones are best for you!
Again, in time your brain will actually get stronger and stronger and eventually these self gratitudes will start coming automatically…
One day you’ll look at yourself in the mirror and only see the beautiful things about yourself.
That will be a magical day for you, but it starts and ends with this daily practice.
The mirror is one of the most profound laws of life I’ve ever learned…
Here’s what it states…
Whatever you put out into the world gets reflected right back at you.
When you judge other people you judge yourself…
And when you hate other people you hate yourself….
It literally applies with everything.
If you want to start developing that inner sense of love you have to start showing more love.
And if you want to stop hating parts of yourself, you need to stop hating others.
It’s really that simple.
Try to catch yourself whenever you’re judging or hating someone.
When you do this you’ll find that you bring more love and acceptance to others, which in turn will help you bring more love and acceptance to yourself.
Always remember…
This is a great way to cultivate forgiveness for yourself and others.
You realize that hate only brings more hate.
Hate never turns into love.
And if you really want to start loving yourself, you’re going to have to stop hating others.
What you can do everyday is “send love” to everyone who you need to forgive.
For some people this is a part of prayer, for others it’s just a quiet moment to contemplate your thoughts.
Send love and happiness to those who have wronged you, and you will begin to forgive.
You will feel these weights of hatred be taken off your chest.
You’re thinking…
That’s okay, I’m not telling you that you have to forgive anyone…
I’m just telling you that non-forgiveness comes at a cost.
And the cost is your own peace of mind, and the love you have for yourself and everyone around you.
Ultimately it’s your decision.
I chose to forgive, and it was the best decision of my life.
Now you know what to do to bring more love into your life.
The advice in this article has the power to change everything for you, granted you put in the time and effort.
You don’t see change just from reading an article.
You have the knowledge, now you need to put it into action.
Information without implementation is the start of delusion.
If you did I want to invite you to my free training…
This training has been designed to give you one thing…
HOPE.
Do you feel as though you are stuck in this endless downward spiral?
That you’re in a whirlwind of uncontrollable emotions that cannot be stopped?
And feel like you’ll be like this forever?
If so, this free webinar will give you hope.
Hope for a future that allows you to lay down at night and actually sleep…
Hope for a future that allows you to reconnect with the ones you love most…
Make today a turning point.
Have it be the point in time where you stand up, fight back, and win.
>>> Click Here To Register For This Weeks Webinar <<<
Are you ready for a change? Click here to save your spot now.
Register before this training is taken offline for good…
See you there 🙂
To your recovery!
– Kayleen
