Why don’t people understand PTSD?
Why does it feel like no one supports us?
Why do they keep telling us…
“It’s your problem, deal with it…”
These words can tear us apart…
My boyfriend Brad said the same exact thing to me at one point…
He said…
“I can’t handle this anymore, PTSD is YOUR problem, not mine. I don’t want anything to do with it anymore, YOU deal with it!”
It hurt!
And it was devastating…
Why did he say that?
Once we were able to dig into WHY Brad said that, we both learned that it was coming from a very hurt spot within him…
Let me explain…
PTSD is not easy, you know that, we all know that.
He saw every nightmare at night, and every flashback during the day.
He hugged and held me through all of it.
He was always supportive and loving… almost surprisingly so.
He made me feel at home everyday, and he gave me hope.
But then all of a sudden things started to turn bad…
We started to have more arguments, more fights, and our love was nowhere to be found.
At one point he said that my PTSD was my problem, that he didn’t have any problems, and that I had to deal with it on my own.
He said that he was tired of it…
It crushed me.
We decided to take some space away from each other for a few months…
Space, no contact.
One time during our time apart I got a text from Brad…
He was asking if he could see me.
I agreed to meet him at lighthouse near my house.
The parking lot was right on the ocean and it was probably 11 O’clock at night when I saw his car drive up.
I got out of my car, and he stepped out of his.
He walked up to me, held me tight, and started crying.
We stood there for what seemed like an hour before his cries subsided.
When he calmed down a bit all he said was, “I’m sorry…” and “thank you”.
I told him that I loved him, and that I was always there to help him if he needed anything.
That night, even though we didn’t say much, was the first time we connected in over a year.
We then both went our separate ways for another month or two…
I realized that I was blind to the pain that he was feeling…
I realized that he was keeping this pain pent up inside of himself…
That he never expressed how he was really feeling…
Although I was still worried about our future together, a deep sense of calm washed over me.
After those months apart passed we got back together and he started to explain to me how he was really feeling…
He told me that he had spiraled down into a deep depression…
That he was scared, hurt, and crying everyday…
It wasn’t until that point where everything made sense to me.
He was in the most pain he had ever been in his entire life… and so was I.
At at that moment we understood that we were both in extreme amounts of pain, and that we needed to bring love, acceptance, and understanding to each other…
We had to start doing whatever it took to take care of ourselves, because our relationship depended on it.
We both had to work hard on bringing our best selves to the table.
I learned that there was a LOT of pain in my boyfriend when he said those things to me…
If you are with someone right now, the same thing might be happening in your situation as well.
I obviously don’t know your whole relationship…
But, if your partner is helping you through your dark times, it’s likely they’re in a lot of pain too.
You both are going through some really really hard times right now.
Like I said, it’s not easy on either side of the picture.
At this point a lot of people compare their pain with their partners pain…
But, the reality is that both of you are in pain.
A general rule of thumb is that it’s best not to compare anything.
What you need to do is approach both sides with unconditional love, understanding, and acceptance.
Unconditional is the key word here. Really reflect on the meaning of that word.
I hope that my story can help you right now…
It’s a painful place to be, but try looking at things from a different perspective as well.
And if your partner is anything like Brad…
They love you and really care about you, but they’re just in a lot of pain too.
So, again, I hope this helps, and if there is anything else that I can do please don’t hesitate to reach out ❤
There is always hope, but it takes work, a loving environment, and honest communication!
Wishing you the best today! 🙂
– Kayleen
PS
Did you enjoy this article? Was it helpful for you?
If so, you’re going to love this…
You can learn how I was able to overcoming my own PTSD while not just saving, but strengthening my relationship with Brad.
I created an entire free training to show you how I did it, you can register by clicking here now.
At the end of the training I show you a little bit about the recovery program I run and how you can get involved if you’re interested.
I hope to see you there!
